So, this article isn't really about excrement (you really are thankful, right!?!). Today, I decided to open an email that I routinely receive from Digital Photography School (www.digital-photography-school.com). Photography has been a creative outlet for me within the past 6 years. I am so grateful for my camera and for discovering how much I enjoy expressing myself through pictures. However, since we've moved to Bosnia, I haven't been taking pictures quite so frequently or with much creative endeavor. Oh, here and there I've done some "photo shoots" of the kids and enjoyed taking pictures when we've traveled. But I haven't picked up my camera to just go out and see what there is to "shoot." DPS usually has some kind of weekly photography challenge, which I haven't paid attention to in quite some time. Today, it caught my eye: a challenge to play with wide open aperture. So, on the way to pick up the boys from vrtić, preschool, I decided to see what I could find on this rainy, bleak day. Such a small thing, but I can't begin to tell you how refreshing it was. Life has been a little heavy for us lately. We haven't been laughing quite so easily, our home is not as harmonious as we would desire--we know God is always near, but we're not paying very much attention to His presence. Sometimes, it's hard to know how to do that with so much busy-ness. For twenty minutes today, I felt Him very near. I felt refreshed and creative and I remembered a part of who I am...a poignant, personal ray of grace, gently delivered to me today. So, enjoy a "wide open aperture" view of my street today.
Six months since my last post, and as I sit down to have a few creative moments to myself, the refrain that I quite frequently hear from my almost 6 year old careens through the air. No need to repeat; yes, I'm sure you read the title! Now, one would suggest I just let that almost 6 year old take care of his own business, and indeed, I probably should, but alas, his sometimes inefficiency can lead to some smells that perhaps we would all like to avoid! So, this article isn't really about excrement (you really are thankful, right!?!). Today, I decided to open an email that I routinely receive from Digital Photography School (www.digital-photography-school.com). Photography has been a creative outlet for me within the past 6 years. I am so grateful for my camera and for discovering how much I enjoy expressing myself through pictures. However, since we've moved to Bosnia, I haven't been taking pictures quite so frequently or with much creative endeavor. Oh, here and there I've done some "photo shoots" of the kids and enjoyed taking pictures when we've traveled. But I haven't picked up my camera to just go out and see what there is to "shoot." DPS usually has some kind of weekly photography challenge, which I haven't paid attention to in quite some time. Today, it caught my eye: a challenge to play with wide open aperture. So, on the way to pick up the boys from vrtić, preschool, I decided to see what I could find on this rainy, bleak day. Such a small thing, but I can't begin to tell you how refreshing it was. Life has been a little heavy for us lately. We haven't been laughing quite so easily, our home is not as harmonious as we would desire--we know God is always near, but we're not paying very much attention to His presence. Sometimes, it's hard to know how to do that with so much busy-ness. For twenty minutes today, I felt Him very near. I felt refreshed and creative and I remembered a part of who I am...a poignant, personal ray of grace, gently delivered to me today. So, enjoy a "wide open aperture" view of my street today.
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It never fails that when I manage to get up ahead of my children in the morning (which I generally love to do and NEED to do and desire to do but various seasons of pregnancy and new babies can interrupt this a bit!), enjoy my moka pot cappuccino with a cozy fire in the wood burning stove if it happens to be a deliciously chilly morning or a lovely breeze during the coolest part of a crazy hot Banja Luka summer day and actually have the treasured blessing of some time to read my Bible, be assured that THIS will be the morning that all my resolve to be the best mom ever is challenged as never before. Why is it that when I am well-rested, well-caffeinated, and inspired by the Holy Spirit, my 3 year old wakes up before the crack of dawn or my 7 year old wakes up already irate about whatever is being served for breakfast. I don't know. I do pretty well with the early morning ruckus, but indeed as the morning wears on and all 7 of my dear ones are up and moving and in full swing, there are days when my ability to be a kind, patient person wanes, more quickly than I would like! Today was one such morning. Though in hindsight it is so much more comical than it ever should have been frustrating. In fact, in regaling the story to Keith, I couldn't understand why I was even upset and why I even interrupted the scene I encountered. My oldest son (and for those that know him, this really must remain within our little chat here or I'm sure he will take revenge when he later realizes that he was the subject of this blog!) had been busy outside: constructing, nailing, building all sorts of things; completely in his element. He came inside, plopped on the couch to read and had his "hobbit feet" (as some friends here are apt to describe those kid feet that have gone barefoot all over who knows where and then traipse all through the house) stretched quite comfortably across it. His sister was the first to point out his careless oversight. I, still gently, asked if he could get his feet washed up in the tub. Though I'm sure he was exasperated at our hypersensitivity to hobbit feet and would have preferred to just read, he compliantly made his way to the bathroom. Awhile later, I realized he was no where to be found and indeed, he was still in the bathroom. I found him on a stool, feet soaking in a warm bath with a book-from-the-top-shelf-which-are-not-to-be-touched-until-next-year-book (which has been proclaimed more times than should be counted by this book loving mama!). I try to not be a control freak but it sneaks out, and sometimes I just can't help it. We use Sonlight curriculum to homeschool, and I struggle with just letting people read books and enjoy the fact that everyone loves to read and keeping some books separate until the year in which they are meant to be read. Another post, I'm sure. Anyway, the said book in use was not just any book but a lovely hard bound book of poetry (that is one of my favorites), just precariously sitting on knees over a tub full of water. And what do I do? Just what I wished I had not. I storm in, frustrated, harried, frenzied, "Why are you soaking your feet?! Why are you reading THAT book, OVER the tub no less?" Why? Why didn't I just let him enjoy such a relaxed moment? Blech. It is a moment like this most of all, when I reflect on it at night when all my sweet babes are asleep, that I feel like Paul when he laments in Romans 7:15, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." I think of the morning, so far away now, and another so close at hand and think of more of Paul's words from the same chapter, "So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand." "Wretched man [woman] that I am!" And I am discouraged yet again. And I think, what is there to remedy this? How can I move forward? I am encouraged with Paul when he asks, "Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" I do serve a God of new beginnings, who transforms me daily through the renewal of my mind. He is a God of forgiveness and redemption. So tomorrow, I can go to my son, and I can ask him to forgive me. I can thank God that He gave children such forgiving hearts. I can try again knowing that my worth and my value, mercifully, do not come from this moment or any other collection of moments, regrettable or praiseworthy, in this lifetime but rather through the righteousness that I can wear because of Jesus. "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I don't actually always mind messes--the ones I can see a way out of easily don't stress me out too much. It's when everything starts piling up, and I feel like the tally marks are in favor of the piles and clutter and laundry and dishes, that I start getting tight in the chest. The summer has been flying by. I've been longing for a day of no obligations: the blissful indulgence of being able to do anything or nothing at all. The kids and I had been trying all week to work on a project we had seen on a fun website the little boys like to watch: www.chalkpreschool. It had been put off over multiple days. Finally, how appropriately, our free day landed on Sunday. So after a late and yummy breakfast we set to our task of creating some reusable napkins. Some acrylic paint watered down in a spray bottle coupled with lots of edged off squares of cotton and voila--happy kids, happy mama. We made a mess and enjoyed the sun, the summer day. I did feel carefree, like summer days felt when I was a kid. I keep remembering Ginny Sheller's (www.gsheller.com) words, "nothing bad will happen if I can't clean up this mess today." In fact, something so wonderful might have been completely missed if we hadn't allowed for the mess and the time to wallow in it.
Well, this isn't rocket science or anything and probably somebody has already thought this up! But if not, enjoy! We were trying the whole gluten free thing hoping it might have a positive effect on the behavior of one child who will remain unnamed, however, we have failed miserably in our attempts to stay at it! But, this was one good thing that came out of it: good with yogurt and even over salads and just by itself. It's so simple to make: toast (separately) and mix together whichever of the following sounds good to you: pepita seeds (Never had them? They're the green seed from inside a pumpkin seed--super healthy and tasty!), sunflower seeds, flax seed (ground), coconut (everything I find here is finely ground hence why my mix looks a little funny), sesame seed. After it cools, add some dried cranberries, raisins, dried cherries, any dried fruit. And, of course, I always add a bit of chopped up dark chocolate --hey, it's a health food! Some things that might help: the pepitas toasted really quickly for me, so watch them; a little oil and salt before toasting is tasty; if you won't eat it quickly, add the flax as you go because it goes rancid quickly (how quickly? not sure, but it gets eaten fast in our house!); without the dried fruit, ground up in a coffee grinder and mixed with yogurt, this is a super health baby food. Roasting may or may not be intuitive for you, but I just throw my seeds in a large roasting pan, drizzle some oil, salt generously and try to get everything in as thin a layer in the pan as I can. Pop in an approximately 400 deg. F oven and then just watch them closely because it doesn't take long. I don't oil the coconut, sesame and flax. Enjoy!
I'm returning from the fog, maybe! I had to laugh when I realized it had been well over a year since I posted here. The people-pleaser in me is ready to apologize for my long absence, but my guess is nobody was too surprised by it:)! I am horrendous at staying on top of emails and regular letters, much less a blog. I knew that starting out, but I don't want to give up. Regularly, posts float through my head. There were some good ones! I wish I had written them down! Sometimes that paralyzes me from returning--I'll just fail again. Perhaps, but perhaps I will write down at least one wise, sage word of wisdom that will impact some individual out there. I read Ann Voskamp's guest blog post today by Ginny Sheller--http://www.aholyexperience.com, and as usual, I come away blessed by words. Ginny's mantra: "Nothing bad will happen if I can't clean up this mess today," invites me to grace and freedom. So, tonight, some dishes still sit in the sink (not all thanks to my Delaney!), laundry still sits on the floor waiting to be folded, the toilet should probably be washed (who am I kidding--it could be scrubbed every night with 4 boys plus the rest of us using one toilet!), but instead, I am blogging and drinking tea. I am resting in some creative outlet, which is rare, though I'd like that to be different. When I read Romans 12:11 "Do not be slothful in zeal..." I become discouraged as I feel my zeal slipping away. And why is it? Not because of what God "imposes" on me, but my own empty efforts at creating peace amidst the chaos of a household of nine. And I am eating away at everyone else's zeal while I'm at it to be sure. Nothing bad will happen if I can't clean up this mess today, or maybe even if I choose not to because it isn't really the most important thing.
I'm not sure what the coming weeks and months will bring in terms of my blogging. Sometimes the most random things occur to me to write about! I think perhaps somebody might have some interest and as this blog started as a "chat over a cup of tea," those are the kinds of things that come out of those conversations too: parenting, cooking, reading, crafting, living life, homeschooling. And who knows what else! I'll just keep you guessing! Good-night from my side of the ocean. I am in awe of the kindness my friends and neighbors have shown me since we have moved here to Banja Luka. Hospitality is an innate way of life for local people. They serve and care for us as if we had always been here. It is very humbling to be the recipient of such love and care, especially with the knowledge that most people here live very modestly, very economically. Even more than hospitality, life definitely has a different pace, and while it challenges my "list-maker-check-the-the-to-do-list" mentality, it also embraces me with the "Mary" aspect of relational living in my rather "Martha"ish mindset most times. Today, I drove our language teacher's mother Nada home. She and Tamara had spent the day with the children while we were at some training. At the end of the day it was just Nada and I because Tamara had to leave earlier for class. Nada speaks very little English and my Serbian has a long way to go! Coupled with trying to drive stick and maneuver through late afternoon traffic while trying to answer questions, it was comical (or dangerous!) indeed! We got to their home and Nada invited us (C was with me) in for coffee. We visited and practiced language. It was a lovely afternoon. We met Nada's father and Tamara came home later and then her brother came home too. We shared pita and stinging nettle juice (much better than you might imagine!) around the table. We talked about funny things and heartfelt things. Suddenly I realized the sun was getting quite low and as it has been setting around 7:30, I realized Keith might be wondering where we had gotten to over the past couple hours! This had not been my plan for the afternoon, but I cannot think how we could have spent it any better.
I've heard of eating stinging nettles before but never had the opportunity to collect some at our old house in Nashville (I imagine they were growing abundantly, but I every time I tried to test out whether something was nettles or not, I never got "stung" so couldn't quite find them!). But here in Banja Luka they appear to be in season. There were bags of them all over the market today so it seemed a good bargain for one KM (our money: konvertible mark= about $.66). I decided to give it a try, much to my family's dismay:). Kind of funny to buy food that's dangerous. I believe it also makes good tea so I might try that too. I
Not my most creative photography, but a cultural moment: local people do not go to bed with their hair wet; they believe that one might experience very negative consequences as a result. So, when we might have normally put the boys to bed with wet hair, we decided dry hair might be more comfortable for sleeping: just didn't realize quite how fluffy A's hair could get from a hair dryer or how flat Thor's would get when it's naturally quite fluffy (anyone who knows Sam I Am, do you see any resemblance to T in this picture? Kind of cracked me up!)
Learned another lesson today on driving in Banja Luka (and perhaps pretty much any other European city with narrow roads and not enough parking spaces): be careful not to turn into a place where you cannot be sure where it will lead to, especially when driving a large 9 person van. In my circumstances today, I ended up turning because the road in front of me became one direction (not my direction!), but found myself in parking lots that got progressively narrower. I had two of the kids in the car, asking me lots of questions (none of which had anything to do with our predicament, regarding hotels and something else I couldn’t quite figure out), and felt my heart pounding a little faster as I realized I was at a point where other cars in front of me were backing up and trying to turn around, but, umm, there was no where for me to turn around! Cars were parked on either side, I really though I might, in all my pregnant hormonal glory, just start crying. But this would not get me unstuck so I plodded on (mind you I am driving a manual car and this, for me, adds a whole other dimension!). I did manage, after trying to let numerous other cars around me, to back up and pull through to another alley type way, and as the kids cheered our victory of escape, I warned them not to cheer too soon. And right I was because we were on a road that let to yet another dead end! Worse than the first it seemed, except that it did make a tight 90 degree turn that I thought perhaps I could turn around in since that was likely my only option. B cheered me on, “I know you can do it, Mom!” which was a bit out of character for him, but much appreciated! I almost got out of my car to ask one of the men working there if they would get my car unstuck, but as I got out of the car, I saw I had just a little space behind me so I kept on inching back and forth. Finally, one of the men came over, checked my space in front and guided me forward. Hvala vam!! Really, I can’t believe I made it out…I wondered what I would have to do if I couldn’t get out. Forget dark alleys, it’s the tight ones that are the threat!
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